Blackbird
by Potterhead567
Summary: Everything in life has pain. A small headache, a slight twinge. But there is some pain, that is impossible to ignore. That fills your entire body with guilt and regret and all you want to do is cry all the time in hope that the pain will go away. But it doesn't. And sometimes the only way to manage the pain, is to just push through it. So I tried like hell to do exactly that.
1. A Day in the Life

I stood outside the kitchen door. Placing a sweet smile on my face. I tied my thick brown hair up high, knowing that that was how my mom liked it. I dusted my jeans and looked in the mirror next to me. I was presentable, at least as much as I could be. That was difficult with the amount of curly hair that was on my head. I opened the stained glass door. "Mom?" I looked around the room until my eyes found her, "Dad?" I gestured for him to come into the kitchen. He sat down on the chair opposite mine. Waiting for me to say why was calling a family meeting. This didn't happen often, so everyone knew that a family meeting was important. I examined my surroundings trying to look as innocent as possible.

Hermione entered the room, I would need her. She was much more convincing then I was. She sat down next to me, being the only one who knew what I was about to say. My parents looked at me patiently. Both still in their work clothes, I knew this was a good time to ask them, they loved their jobs. My mom undid the bun that only she could perfect as I was getting ready to start my speech. "Me and Herm-" I got slightly flustered and started over. "Hermione and I would like to go to Grimmauld Place for the rest of the holidays," my voice was firm. They looked slightly confused, I started drumming my fingers on the table as I started to explain what and where Grimmauld Place was "It's Sirius Black's house," This got their attention, they both gave me a stern look, which I ignored. "You don't have to take us, the Weasley's will," however I knew that the was the least of their worries. I started biting my nails, the habit I hated, but once you start, it's impossible to stop.

"The mass murderer?" my dad asked sceptically. He and my mom exchanged looks of worry. I had forgotten that Sirius was on the Muggle news too. I had told them countless of times that he was innocent. I started scratching on my jeans nervously, I shouldn't have told them whose house we were going to, I tried to salvage what was left of my dialogue.

"Yes, but-" I looked to my younger sister. My speech wasn't going as well as I had hoped. I stopped smiling, there was no point. Hermione gave me a reassuring smile. She would take it from here, she always knew what to say to my parents at times like this. I looked at her as a sign to continue. She flashed a smile at them and straitened her back "He's innocent, trust me. I would be the last person to be staying with him if he was a murderer," I could see my parents get a little less tense.

They looked to me, being the oldest, to see if she was right. They still looked slightly sceptical. "I promise" I finished. They still looked slightly upset. I knew why, being at Hogwarts, Hermione and I didn't see our parents much and now that we are going to Grimmauld Place, they would see us even less. "We'll owl you all the time," They looked much more relaxed and looked at each other for a few seconds and nodded. They didn't say a word. It was like parents had a way of communicating with each other, without speaking out loud. I could do the same thing with Hermione, maybe it was just a Granger thing.

I gave Hermione a look that suggested she leave. I needed to talk about the next problem to my parents in private. She slowly walked out the room, and closed the door behind her. However I could see her shadow lingering outside. "There's something else," I said, fiddling with my hair until I was ready to speak again. "Now that I'm seventeen, I'm allowed to use magic outside of school" They nodded, they knew all this information. It was explained when Professor McGonagall came to the house to deliver my Hogwarts letter seven years ago. "Well, because Voldemort's back, Dumbledore started this..." What was it? I couldn't say army, that would scare them "Secret society to oppose Voldemort and his followers," I stopped speaking for a while, collecting my thoughts "If it's alright with you, I'd like to join" I didn't say the real danger of joining the Order. The danger of being killed or tortured. My parents didn't know much of the Wizarding world, but liked to be kept updated on any major events. I told them of Voldemort, but underemphasised his power.

I looked at the clock, counting the seconds in my head on how long it would take them to answer. A whole minute had gone by until my dad finally spoke. "Honey," I knew that tone. Whenever my dad said 'honey' it meant I wouldn't get whatever it was I wanted. They knew that it was risky, but I made sure to tell them, that nothing serious had happened yet. I hated lying to my parents, but it was for their own safety. The less they knew, the more they could be protected.

"Please Dad!" I pleaded, even though I was young, I knew I could fight. "I really want to do this. It's important to me!" I knew that saying that would change his mind. He was soft, it was my mother I needed to convince.

"Well?" He said to my mom. She smiled and nodded her head. I wasn't expecting this, I was sure she wouldn't let me be apart of the Order "You can join"

"But only if you keep your grades up," my mom added, however she didn't know that if the Voldemort kept on gaining power, my grades wouldn't matter.

A huge smile appeared on my face. I gave them each a big hug and proceeded out the door. I walked right into my sister but I was too happy to care. "Hermione, they said I could join" She looked nervous and scared. She was the only one who knew the real danger of me becoming a member of the Order.

"Evangeline" She gave me a look that only Hermione could pull off. I knew she was very mature for her age, maybe even more so than me, but she would always be my baby sister "please be careful" She looked at me anxiously and started walking up the wooden stairs.

I stopped her halfway up and smiled at her brazenly. "Aren't I always?" I said cheekily, as she proceeded up the staircase.


	2. And We're Off

"Evangeline!" My eyes shot open as my mom shook me awake, "This is the third and last time I am waking you up. The Weasley's will be here soon," she stormed out the room and opened my curtains. I was waiting for light to pour into the room and burn my eyes, like it did most mornings. But nothing came. I lay there for a while still half asleep. I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the other side of the room, I looked outside the window and was happy with what I saw. It was raining, and clouds covered the grey sky. I rubbed my eyes and stretched widely, curling my toes. I rubbed my hands together, trying to get warm. It was a bad idea to wear a T-shirt that was almost too small for me to bed.

I traipsed to my wardrobe and lazily took out the first clothes I saw. I looked down at my hands: Jeans, a T-shirt and a sweater, my normal everyday clothing. I pulled my elastic out of the bun I had slept in and let my hair fall down to it's usual place on my waist. I brushed it softly, making sure my hair didn't frizz. I had made the mistake plenty of times before and I looked like a lion when it happened. I fiddled with my hair until it became a plait and swung it over my shoulder. At this point, most girls would put on makeup. But I've never liked that sort of stuff, I don't see the point of spending hours applying cosmetics onto your skin when you could be doing much more practical things with your life.

I pulled out my trunk from under my messy bed to check that everything I needed was in there. I got the book I was reading last night from my bedside table and placed it into my backpack. I took Bear out from his cage and slowly, with the back of my finger, petted his chest. He was a white snowy owl with black streaks on his wings and chest. He had big blue eyes, which was uncommon. He closed his eyes slowly, content with being on my arm. I looked at the time and quickly put him back in his cage. He nipped my finger softly, as I gave him a last pat on his head.

I was really excited to go to Grimmauld Place and to be in the Order. This was my chance to prove something. Hermione was two years younger than me and had helped Harry stop Voldemort countless of times. Don't get me wrong I was proud of her, but now that I could help fight with her and the others, it made me feel like I was worth something. Like I wasn't just standing in the background reading my book and not doing anything.

Even though I was excited, I didn't know how everyone else felt. Would they think I was too young to be in the Order. Would they kick me out? I quickly pushed this thought out of my mind, and replaced it with the main reason I wanted to be in the Order. For Cedric. We dated right until Voldemort... It was too much to think of his death, much say it out loud. I couldn't face Harry for a few weeks after, but know we're okay. But I was ready to fight. For him.

I lugged my trunk out my bedroom door and down the wooden stairs. Hearing with every footstep a big clunk that followed. I could hear Hermione and my parents saying goodbye. I hated goodbyes, the whole concept is confusing to me. You say goodbye, but what's the point. You'll see each other again, if not in 1 day or 1 year, there is always a hello to follow. Goodbyes should mean something, they should only be used if your 100% sure you will never see that person again. So, I went to my parents, and gave them a hug, but never used the word goodbye.

After, more hugs and 'I love you's' there was a knock on the door. My parents opened it, both smiling. Mr Weasley stood in front of us, he closed his yellow umbrella and shook out all the rain. He shook my parent's hands and greeted Hermione and I. Next followed Fred and George. I gave my best friends each a big hug."At least buy me dinner first," Fred teased. I gave him a distasteful look, which was followed buy a grin.

"Where are the others?" I asked. Only three Weasley's were standing before me. I had, like everyone, been asked not to speak much to Harry, so I knew he wouldn't be there. But I thought maybe Ron or Ginny would have come too. "Best to travel light, might be weird if a big group of people disappeared at once," Mr Weasley replied, shortly after he was engrossed in a conversation with my parents about the use of a telephone or as he called it a 'phellytone' I chuckled to myself, but was slighty confused about the last comment he had made.

"What do you mean?" I placed my trunk beside the door frame, and turned around to look at him. I had never really thought about how we were going to get there. I guessed by car, but know that I thought of it, it would take way too long. A few days at the least, and we didn't have that much time

"Well, we're going to apparate there of course," I nodded my head and bit the inside of my cheek. I hated apparating, it was the worst feeling. Then I thought of Hermione, she still had the trace on her. I voiced my thought which Mr Weasley replied with "Some of us are flying," I didn't know what was worse, I was a terrible flyer but I hated the sensation of apparating. It wasn't my choice though, it all depended on how to get you there safely.

We walked outside, onto the front yard. The smell of wet grass, daisies and roses entering my nose, I stood there nervously, waiting for someone to tell me who was flying and who was apparating. "Right, because there are trunks, George and I will be apparating. Fred knows the way and will guide you two safely," He gestured to Hermione and I, she also looked nervous, Fred put his arm around both of us and smiled. Hermione pushed him off and I followed suit. Smirking at him and winking at my younger sister.

"Aren't you two just little rays of sunshine," he joked, and gave us each a broom, which we took reluctantly. We mounted our brooms and let the drizzle come over us.

"On my count," Mr Weasley said. Now I was really nervous, my body was shaking from the cold and I barely knew how to fly, "One," I could hear my heartbeat thumping in my head, "Two," I gripped the broom tight, making sure the gloves they gave us so our hands wouldn't slip were on tight, "Three," We shot into the air in unison. Fred and Mr Weasley disappeared on the spot. My heart sunk into my stomach as we lifted into the air. My house got smaller as we rose high enough so that no one would see us.

"Keep up, if you can!" Fred shouted as we flew over London. The rain and wind stabbed my face. The journey was long and tiring. My brown hair flew behind me as we raced through the clouds. I was drenched with rain in the first five minutes of flying. I looked over at my younger sister, who looked like she was about to throw up. Her hair looked like a mess and I was sure mine looked the same. I then looked over at my best friend, his red hair standing out clearly. He was having the time of his life. I laughed as lights flashed past us. When I was younger I used to call them fairy lights and try to count how many there were. I would have never guessed at that age that there were actually fairies somewhere. I was actually enjoying myself, and I had a racing competition with Fred for a while. He won of course. Being on the Quidditch team and all that.

We flew for what seemed like forever, after a few hours I was just about ready to pass out when Fred signalled us to land. I slowly proceeded to the ground, examining my surroundings to make sure no one saw me. My hair probably looked like a bird's nest, but I didn't care. We stood in front of a block of flats and I wasn't sure what I was meant to be looking at. After a few minutes, the building started to shake. Grimmauld Place was before us.


	3. I'm Losing My Mind

I walked through the door, looking over my shoulder to see if Fred and Hermione were still behind me. The corridor was long and dark, dust looming in the air. I surveyed my surroundings, the paintings were moulded and dust covered the floor. The smell of dirt and filth infiltrated my nose. I ran my fingers along the side of the wall. I wondered why anyone would want to live here. It was obvious this place hadn't been used in a while. I heard voices at the end of the passage and quickened my pace. But being the clumsy person that I am, tripped on my shoelace and banged into the coat rack which fell hard onto the floor. I bent down quickly to pick it up, but was disrupted by a terrible scream. My hands covered my mouth, shocked at what I had just done. I rushed to the source of the shriek. Everyone was hovering around a painting, trying to get it's curtains closed. The women in the picture screamed once again "FILTHY MUDBLOODS!" she cried. Everyone pulled and tugged at her portrait curtains and finally her howling subsided. The sound of people's heavy breath filled the vacant, chalky room.  
Everyone was quiet for a few seconds, "I'm really sorry," I said softly, my cheeks went red as I looked shamefully at the ground. Everybody said that there was nothing to be sorry about, apparently this has been happening a lot. Especially with Tonks always around a lot of the time.  
"I see you've met my mother," Sirius Black said, standing before me. A small smile played on his lips, his hair was less shaggy than the last time I saw him. I didn't want to admit it, but he was pretty hot. He eyed me up and down, I gave him a smile which was returned. We shared one last look before Mrs Weasley spoke to me as he shuffled into the next room.  
"Now, dear," Mrs Weasley said "You will be sharing with Merideth when her and Harry get here," I was happy to have my own room for a while, I liked my own space. I hadn't spoken to Merideth a lot either. Dumbledore said she would most likely tell Harry everything and that I couldn't risk it. Mrs Weasley secured her apron and went into the next room. I moved across the room to the bottom of the stairs and picked up my heavy trunk. I started heaving it up the old stairs, they creaked and groaned with every step I took. Like they hadn't been used in ages .  
George stopped me "You know," he said, looking at me like I was doing something stupid, "You are allowed to use magic," he smiled "And I thought you were the smart one," I got out my wand and looked at it admiringly, I was very happy with my wand, Alder with Phoenix feather core, 12 inches, slightly springy, was how Ollivander described it. I casted what I called a harmless hex on George and muttered the incantation that lifted my trunk into the air and up to my room.  
I slowly followed after it, walking two flights of stairs before going into the room that Mrs Weasley indicated was mine. I walked in and smelled the wooden floor of my room. Two beds took up most of the room and there was only one window. Like most of the other house, there was mould on the walls, and grime covered the floor. I whipped my wand and tried to clean it as best as I could. I wasn't great at housework spells. I let Bear out from his cage and he soared to the top of my wardrobe and sat there contently. I sighed and went to sit on the bed, it was lumpy and uncomfortable.  
I might have been complaining, but I was allowed to. The end of last year wasn't easy. I covered my face with my hands and sighed once more. I pulled my hair out of the plait and combed my fingers through my knotted hair. I lay down on the bed and put my hands behind my head. The day had been busy. My limbs hurt from being on the broom, and my head hurt from too many thoughts. I got up and started pacing my room, not too sure what I was worried about. My hand came up to my mouth as I started chewing on my nails. My chest lifted heavily, in a hopeless attempt to get me to breath normally. I changed my shirt to something less wet and sat on my bed. I might have fallen asleep or I just got lost in my thoughts, I wasn't too sure. However when Fred came in, I felt tired and droopy and I didn't know what time it was.  
"Angie?" Fred asked, I opened my eyes and he was sitting on the edge of my bed. I only let him call me Angie, I wasn't too fond of the nickname, but he had called me it so many times, I couldn't help but respond. I moaned so he knew I was listening "My mom says dinner is ready," He said, standing up and heading to the door "And also, there is an Order meeting after," I then knew why I had been so nervous. An Order meeting. I wanted to be there, but I didn't. I hated myself for caring what the others thought of me. But I did. I knew they thought I was too young. I did too. But that didn't matter, right? Age was just a number.  
I let Fred leave and told him I would come down soon. I was more worried than I should be. I had a tendency to exaggerate some situations that turned out to be fine in the end. I paced the room once more before turning towards the door and walking down the old stairs. Everyone was seated in the dining room already. I saw a few familiar faces, Remus and Tonks had joined. I waved hello to them. Everyone looked at me for a brief second before returning to their conversations. I sat down in between Hermione and George. I wasn't too eager to eat, my stomach was too fill of butterflies. I directed my attention to the fly on the windowsill. It flew there aimlessly banging into the window, trying to escape. Never stopping. It focused on the other window, my eyes followed it around the room before it flew right in front of me. I noticed that someone was watching me, I looked up at Fred who was laughing at me. I gave him a nasty look as I turned red. I looked down and smiled slightly.  
As the night wore on, I couldn't help but have some food, the smell was just too tempting. I ate until my stomach could take no more. Everyone talked and chatted until the food was gone and the fire was dying. There were clumps of people scattered around the room, having private conversations that I wasn't apart of. Soon, Mrs Weasley told everyone who wasn't part of the Order to leave. There were some complaints from Fred and George, but soon, they gave up and left. "Everyone here?" Sirius said taking a seat opposite me. The meeting had begun.


	4. I Don't Care

The faint whisper of the wind outside was the only sound in the silent room, the clouds of the gloomy London weather troubling the bliss inside. The little sun that entered the room, shone through the closed window and onto my pale skin.  
I examined my hands, looking at the different lines on them. However, I could only remember two: There was the heart line and the life line. I didn't understand this. Without your heart, you wouldn't be alive. I wasn't an expert but I knew the just of it: Your heart beats and pumps the blood, this makes you live. So shouldn't the heart line and the life line be the same? You need a heart to live. It was a simple as that.  
I got distracted by the billowing of a cloak and glanced up to see Professor Snape enter. He cringed at all the people in the room. Everyone looked him straight in the eye, like they could stand up to him. I couldn't even reach his gaze. He wasn't the same. He had no problem staring at me with his black, piercing eyes. How I loathed him. Snape was closely followed by Professor Dumbledore. My shoulders relaxed the second he walked in. He gave me a small wink and a smile, which I returned gratefully.  
Now that everyone was here, the meeting would commence. I studied the table, waiting for someone to speak. Until I realized that I had no idea what was supposed to happen in a meeting to do with the Order of the Phoenix. I looked to Sirius, being that it was his house, I would assume he was in charge of the meeting. He shook his head slightly, his shaggy hair following the movement of his head and focused his eyes to the other side of the room. I followed his gaze, and my eyes met with Dumbledore, who stood up and cleared his throat. "I think we should get a few things in order," he said in a voice that was too young for his age, "Information that is said in these meetings is not to be spoken to those not in the Order," he gestured to the wooden door. I understood why, for their protection. The same reason I didn't tell my parents about the true meaning of the Order. Everyone nodded in agreement. Except Sirius. He sat there quietly, not saying a word. There was silence and the room was tense. "Sirius," Dumbledore continued, "You remember what we discussed, you shall not leave the safety of Grimmauld Place," Dumbledore frowned, the expression looking odd on his face. Like those words were physically chaining Sirius to this dreadful house.  
Sirius seemed to feel the same way. He looked down and muttered something about Grimmauld Place being a prison, but I didn't hear the whole thing. His grey eyes still had the darkness of Azkaban in them. He looked at me, and I mouthed the words 'sorry' in a stupid attempt to comfort him. He ignored me and continued to look sorry for himself. "Now for Evangeline," I looked to him at the sound of my name, "You will be attending Hogwarts this year and will not be at all the Order meetings," I looked away, trying to cover my disappointment in the fact that I might not be able to help at all, "However, we will try to keep you updated as much as possible," I smiled slightly, trying to dismiss the thought that I would be seen as the Girl Who Did Nothing. I knew it was stupid, but I felt that if I wasn't actively apart of the Order, I would just sit around and let all the others do the work, while I just disappeared and no one noticed.  
I zoned out for a few seconds. Lost in thought. Two voices got slightly louder, just under the volume of a shout. I ran a hand through my bushy hair and tried to pick up what the conversation was about. "At least I'm not stuck living in my mother's house, not doing a single thing to help with the Order," Snape argued, anger radiated off both of him and Sirius. They were both out of their seats as rage took over them. I watched as people tried to shush them, or stop the from hexing each other. Both of their hands clutched their wands tightly, waiting for a chance to fight.  
"Stop," I shouted, all the attention was focused on me. "Both of you are acting like children," I didn't know what to say next. I didn't even know if I had a right to say anything. I looked at Dumbledore nervously, wondering if I overstepped. He just smiled at me gently, the corners of his eyes crinkling. The sun was now covered by dark, gloomy clouds and not a ray of sunshine entered. The room full of people looked darker, more dangerous.  
"You would know," muttered Sirius. He was slightly red with anger. He sat down, breathing heavily. I looked him straight in the eye and stared him down, knowing he was angry, but not letting him speak to me like that, even though it was just a small comment. A flicker of regret entered his eyes, but went away very quickly.  
The room was silent once more, Snape got up to leave and Sirius followed shortly after. I never knew they hated each other so much. It took me by surprise, seeing that they were in the same year together. I was right in saying that they were children, they acted exactly how some first years would. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and waited to see if anyone else would leave. If all meetings went like this, we would get nowhere.  
I didn't know if the meeting was over and we were allowed to leave. I noticed that everyone else thought the same. I glanced around the dim room until I found Dumbledore examining a rather ugly painting. His glasses were on the tip of his nose, almost falling off his tired face. I walked up to him, my footsteps loud along the wooden floor. He didn't acknowledge my presence, but carried on staring at the painting. "Professor?" I said, "I was wonder-" Dumbledore was not one to cut people off, but he did so to me.  
"Evangeline," he spoke in a hushed voiced, almost a whisper, "I need you to keep a close eye on Harry this year," I was slightly flabbergasted, "Make sure he doesn't get into _too_ much trouble." I wasn't completely sure how much trouble was too much. I didn't know why Dumbledore couldn't keep an eye on him either. Instead of asking him these questions I just gave him a small nod, scratched the bridge of my nose and walked away.  
The second I stepped out of the doorway and into the corridor I felt like my own age again. I was immediately bombarded with questions by the others about what the meeting was like and if we were going to fight. Especially from the twins, seeing as Mrs Weasley didn't allow them in the Order. I acted like the meeting wasn't a total disaster and just shoed them away. I walked silently to my bedroom with my head held high. Not letting any information leave my lips.


	5. Crime of the Century

I opened the door and announced my presence in a way that would annoy anyone. The breeze swayed the few strands that came loose of my messy bun as I strode across the room. The morning sun finally decided to show its face and the day couldn't be brighter. Breakfast hadn't been served yet, so people were scattered around the room.  
I went to sit with Fred and George, who were engrossed in a conversation about Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and didn't even take note of my presence. I cleared my throat loudly and they both glanced up in unison and gave me a quick nod and a smile before returning to their conversation. I crossed my arms childishly and rolled my eyes. This wasn't the first time this had happened. I often felt like a third wheel in the group. Like they only needed to include me when it suited them. I grabbed the book I had left on the table the night before and headed to my room as breakfast was only being served in a few minutes.  
I said a quick hello to the rest of the people in the room and quickly glanced at Sirius, who looked a bit confused, before leaving. I had to admit, I was still slightly angry at him for what he said last night. I had never seen him like that before. Not that I had seen him much since he had come out of Azkaban. What he said really got to me, I don't know why. Three words, that's all it was. And when you think of it that way, it seems silly to be upset. So I decided to prove him wrong. I wouldn't be mopey and get upset about every little thing like a child. My skin was thicker than that. He didn't think the same thing. Sirius was sulking because of what Snape said. I knew he would be fine in a few days, so I didn't tell him off.  
I arrived at my room and sat on my bed. I adjusted the pillows, leaned against the bedframe and opened my book. Barely being able to read for ten minutes before Hermione came up and told me breakfast was ready. I placed the book on the bed and undid my bun, leaving my hair more tame than Hermione's. I closely followed her down the stairs and into the loud room.  
The talk and laughter invaded my ears as I got closer to the table that could easily have fitted five more people. "Angie!" Fred shouted above the noise. He gestured to the seat in between him and George.  
"It would be an honour for you to sit with us," George said in a posh accent that didn't suit him. I crossed my arms stubbornly and sat down on the other side of the table smugly, the seat furthest away from them. They both raised an eyebrow at me. I smirked and grabbed a glass of juice, before sitting back in my chair and raising the glass to them. They smiled and had a short conversation.  
Before I knew it, they ran up to either side of me, lifted my chair up and started carrying me to the other side of the table. "Ah!" I screamed, "No!" I couldn't help but laugh as they set me down in the seat that they wanted me to sit in before. They sat beside me and acted like nothing had happened. I punched them both playfully in the arm and they couldn't stop laughing. I noticed that almost everyone in the room was looking at us. Some were smiling while others were looking at us distastefully. I giggled once more before asking the people at the end of the table to pass my drink.  
The rest of breakfast went normally. Mrs Weasley's food was delicious and everyone chatted happily. However it felt like something was missing. More like two people. I wasn't sure when Harry or Merideth were arriving. I asked the busy room, to no one in particular, when Harry and Merideth were joining us. It was Sirius who answered, "None of us are too sure," he said to everyone who didn't know. You could feel the disappointment in the room. "Trust me, the second I know I will tell you," he spoke to everyone in the room, but looked at me. Seeing as I asked the question.  
"Well, now that that is all cleared up," Mrs Weasley said to everyone, "We can start cleaning this house," everyone groaned and rolled their eyes. "I'm not asking!" she snapped. She allocated three people to every room. I was with George and Ginny in the living room. We clambered into the designated area and looked around. A house-elf was in the corner of the room. I had met plenty of house-elves before, in the Hogwarts kitchens, but none so old and worn out as this one. I thought a kind introduction was necessary.  
"Hello," I said bending down slightly, "Who are you?" the house-elf turned around to look at me. He gave me a disgusted look, like I was something foul.  
"Mudblood!" he squealed, "My poor mistress, what would she think of the vermin in her house," he looked at me one more time and then turned away. Even though he was rude to me, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.  
"Who was that?" I asked the others. They looked at me with pity. Like I should have been hurt by what he had said. I gave them a reassuring smile so they knew I was okay.  
"That's Kreacher," said George, "Not one for manners," he left the room, going to ask Mrs Weasley what we should do. I kept on thinking about Kreacher though. Surely someone isn't born like that. Evil isn't born, its made, right? And if people were or still are rude to him, he isn't going to treat us very well. I kept those thoughts to myself, not wanting to step on anyone's toes.  
There wasn't much to do in the room, just a few things that needed to be polished, which meant the job was quick. We needed more supplies to clean the room. Not concentrating, I didn't say 'Shot gun not me' and got sent to go get them. I hadn't really seen much of the house and had no clue where to get the supplies. I went from room to room, checking to see if it was where Mrs Weasley said I should get supplies from. Most of them were locked and the two that actually opened were bathrooms. I was about to turn back. I carelessly opened the last door, not thinking it would open, and I found myself in Sirius' room. I took another step in, intrigued by what was inside.  
His walls were lined with Gryffindor posters, as well as muggles in bikini's. He had a tall window, covered with velvet curtains. It looked like the room hadn't seen the sun in years. I went to his desk on the other side of the room. He had pictures of James, Lily and Remus. They looked as though they didn't have a worry in the world.  
There was an old piece of paper on the desk as well. I picked it up and examined the writing, It looked years old and some of the writing had started to smudge, I could make it out anyway. "Dear Padfoot," it read, I could only guess that that was Sirius, "Thank you, thank you, for Harry's birthday present! It was his favourite by far. One year old and already' 'zooming along on a toy broomsti-" someone entered the room. I looked up to see Sirius Black and I froze. I probably wasn't allowed to be in here much less reading this letter.  
"Oh God, Sirius I'm sorry," I thought he would be furious, but no rage came.  
"It's okay, really," he assured me and smiled gently. "What's in your hands?" he saw the paper and I could see anger in his eyes. I quickly put it down as he came closer to me. "Do you just go snooping about everyone's rooms, or just mine?" I didn't know what to say. I had never seen him like this before.  
"I said I was sorry!" I said loudly. I backed away from him. He still looked raging. I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. He was such a prat!


	6. Communication is Key

One of the first things we learn how to do in life is talk. Communicate. Express our feelings. But the older we get, the harder it is to do that. It seemed to me that it was particularly hard for Sirius. To be fair, I wasn't talking to him either, but I was the one who was angry. I was the one who got shouted at for holding a letter. So as he glanced my way in the Order meeting, I stuck my nose in the air and crossed my arms, feeling like the child I secretly knew I was, and tried to concentrate on Dumbledore.  
"I'm afraid," said Dumbledore "that Harry has been sent to a disciplinary hearing at the Ministry of Magic," the horror on everyone's face appeared in unison. What in Gods name could he have done to get a hearing? Fudge was way out of line, "He used the patronus charm in the presence of his cousin Dudley. He has been temporarily expelled from Hogwarts for the time being," Dumbledore's stance was calm but you could easily see the fury in his eyes. Everyone was thinking the same thing: Why would there be Dementors in Little Whinging? It was highly unlikely.  
"How is that possible? They got attacked by Dementors? In the middle of the street?" Mr Weasley muttered to himself taking his wife's hand.  
"Is Harry okay?" Mrs Weasley, Sirius and I asked simultaneously. Dumbledore gave a small nod. And the room went uncomfortably silent. "Why would they need a hearing for some underage magic?" I asked, it seemed silly that Harry had almost blown up his aunt 2 years ago, and absolutely nothing had happened.  
"Well, Fudge isn't in his right mind," Dumbledore explained "He doesn't want to believe Voldemort is back," There were some flinches in the room, "So he is insisting that Sirius is behind all of this," Sirius fell back in his chair, just one more reason why he couldn't escape the walls of this house.  
Sirius ignored Dumbledore's statement and asked a question of his own, "When can I see my godson?" you could almost hear the sadness in his voice, but he did well to hide it.  
"Harry and Meredith shall arrive in a few days-" Sirius wasn't Meredith's godfather, only Harry's. It sometimes seemed that having this role of Godfather made Sirius care more for Harry than Meredith.  
"And will be apart of the Order," Sirius said proudly. I honestly didn't think they were ready, and besides, Harry wasn't of age and I didn't think Meredith wanted to be in the Order. She wasn't against it or anything, she just preferred to be seen on the side lines. That was what I liked most about her.  
"Harry is underage, he is not allowed in the Order," Dumbledore said firmly. I agreed. Sirius, however, did not and as he started to open his mouth to argue back, I cut him off. He was being totally irrational.  
"Now Sirius," I said condescendingly. I put my arm on the armrest ran my hand through my hair, "Surely you're not saying you want Harry dead, right?" the words came out of my mouth sarcastically. His lips opened once more, but I didn't let him get a word in, "Because that's what will happen," I was more serious now, "If you let him join when he isn't ready," I sat back in my chair and intertwined my fingers on top of my stomach, "It might be a bit _reckless,_" The sarcasm was back. I knew I was being rude and I'm not too sure what came over me, but it was for Harry's benefit right? His mouth was slightly open in shock, but he kept quiet. A guilty pit appeared in my stomach and quickly got bigger as he got up and left the room.  
I looked around in despair, hoping someone would follow and comfort him. But no one did. I didn't know if they expected me to go after him. I asked to be excused and left the room. I walked as silently as possible through the house and stopped outside Sirius' closed door. I wasn't quite sure what I should say when I entered, but I did so anyway with a short apology at the tip of my tongue.  
He was pacing the room when I entered. His hair swaying slightly with every step he took. He did a double take when I walked in, not realizing that I was standing before him the first time he looked up at me. He raised an eyebrow at me, asking why I was here. I didn't say anything but just stepped deeper into the room. "Listen," I said firmly, my posture intact, "I was out of line." I wanted to apologise, I just didn't want to say the words 'I'm sorry.' I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right.  
He rolled his eyes and stopped pacing. He opened his mouth slightly then closed it. He did this three more times before actually speaking again. "He's my Godson," his words were just under a shout, "And you have no right to tell me how I should take care of him," anger slowly rose inside of me. It seemed like every time I spoke to him I just got more angry.  
"I wouldn't have to if you would do it right," I sounded way older than I was. But Harry meant a lot to me, he had always been like my little brother. I advanced a little bit closer to him, and he took a small step back.  
"You're just a child," he shouted, clenching his fists. He muttered it again twice under his breath before taking a big step towards me. I could feel the tension pressing up on me. We stood a metre away from each other, his grey eyes in line with mine. I could feel his breath lightly on my face. I started to fiddle with the hem of my shirt, something I did when I was nervous. It felt like my feet were nailed to the floor. My muscles reluctant to listen to my mind as it screamed in my head to turn away.  
We stood there in silence, the only sound were our deep breaths. I wanted to break the tension, but I didn't know what to say. Sirius shifted slightly closer to me, as my body finally listened to my mind, when it turned away. The hollow sounds of my footsteps filling the room as I turned my back and walked away.


	7. One Simple Movement

One movement can change someone's life. The movement you make when going down on your knee to propose. The step you take when walking away from someone after a breakup. I had been thinking about the conversation I had with Sirius, and the image that kept popping into my mind was the small movement of his head towards me as I walked away. Surely it was nothing right? He just moved. That's all. He wasn't going to close the gap between us. That would be inappropriate. I knew I was over thinking this. But it just got me thinking more, why has he only been angry at me? I have never seen him get into an argument with anyone else besides Snape. I was being stupid. I tried to push the thought as far from my mind as possible and succeeded with much difficulty.  
I walked down to breakfast and began to realize that my days had become very repetitive. I would eat breakfast, clean the house, eat lunch, have a very weird chat with Fred and George, eat dinner, go to the Order meeting, have an argument with Sirius and then go to sleep. I knew I couldn't ask for adventure. I was in one. The second I found out I was a witch my life became that adventure. But as I tied my hair into it's regular pony and looked down at my regular jeans, I found myself sighing as I stepped into the noisy room.  
Everyone's eyes shot towards me as I entered. I didn't reach anyone's gaze. I felt guilty. Guilty for having an argument with Sirius. It sounded stupid when you said it like that. But there was something underneath the argument that made me feel guilty, and I was too scared to say it. I took a seat next to Fred and mustered the best smile I could conjure while everyone went about their conversations. I gave a deep sigh, and closed my eyes for a few seconds while no one was looking.  
Sirius kept his promised and announced that Harry and Meredith will be here in a few days. Big smiles went around the room, especially from Ginny, which made me giggle and made Ron scowl. I realized that there should have been some kind of unity between all of us, and I guess in some ways there were, but there were a lot of ways we were not united. Fights were happening every five minutes, and Harry didn't even know about the Order yet. The thought fled my mind when someone asked me if I wanted something to drink. I smiled politely declined the offer.  
Mrs Weasley went on yet another rant about us cleaning the house. She then told us to get into pairs and pick a room. "Come on then, love." I said to Fred, extending my hand to him. He took it without any questions and we went through the door, closely followed by the others.  
"So, which room would you like to clean?" He asked innocently. I pointed to one of the doors and said in a seductive tone, trying to hide my smile.  
"The bedroom," I said in the sexiest voice I could muster, which was hard to do around Fred. I let the smile escape my lips and winked. He grinned goofily and picked me up, in the way you would when opening the doors to your new home, recently married and marched through the oak doors. However, the room we entered was not a bedroom, but the drawing room. It had large windows over looking the street in front of the house, a large fireplace with two very large cabinets on either side, but what really caught my eye was the tapestry on the back wall that showed the Black Family Tree. There were a lot of scorch marks upon it though, blackened faces, that I could only guess were for doing something wrong.  
Fred tapped me on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of the one cabinet. It was shaking ferociously. I looked up to see him smiling widely. We both knew what it was, a boggart. I shook my head but couldn't refrain from grinning. "You first," I chuckled and stepped toward the cabinet. Fred got out his wand and held it firmly in his hand. "One," I said placing my hand on the handle and gripping it tightly. "Two," I didn't know if Fred knew what his boggart was, I looked at him and winked, feeling slightly nervous. "Three," I swung the door open and the force of the Boggart pushed me against the wall, I didn't see what Fred's Boggart was but he was white in the face when I stood up and felt a small cut on my cheek.  
"V..V... You Know Who," he muttered, not saying Voldemort. I walked over to him and watched as he regained colour. He looked up at me and was his normal self. "You next," he said as if nothing had happened. I shook my head vigorously. I didn't know what my Boggart was, and I'm not sure I wanted to find out. "I didn't go through that to have you chicken out," he placed me where he was previously standing and went to the cabinet. "You ready?" he said, almost whispering. I nodded my head and the door swung open once more.  
The room went black. And not just a normal darkness, like at night. But pitch black. I was standing alone, and nothing surrounded me. Fred wasn't there and I didn't know what to do. I stood there, getting more and more frantic as time passed. I knew it wasn't darkness I was afraid of. I breathed in deeply and tried to slow down my heartbeat. I closed my eyes and finally realized that the thing I feared most was, nothingness.  
I smiled slightly at the thought of finding what I was afraid of, but the anxiety came back a soon as it had left. I didn't know how to stop this. Tears started streaming down my face, and I felt ashamed for having them. I was never getting out of here. There was no one around to help me, I was becoming nothing.  
I closed my eyes and I could almost see light through them. I was scared to open them though. Scared to see what was in front of me. I felt a hand on the small of my back and another on my shoulder. "Evangeline," Fred whispered softly, I still didn't open my eyes, "You're okay, I saw you cry and directed the Boggart towards me," I opened my eyes to find his head in line with mine. He looked worried, so I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I just couldn't do it. He wrapped his arms around my body and I did the same to his. This was the first time we had hugged properly, and I felt safe in his arms. Like the nothingness could never hurt me.  
He continued to whisper in my ear that I was okay, and I let him. I didn't mind the affection and caring that I would usually hate with Fred. He was my best friend and the closest thing I had to a brother. I let go of him and smiled embarrassingly, still not 100% sure why I was crying so much. It seemed silly to get this upset over a stupid boggart, but it was one of those things that just triggered my emotions.  
I didn't tell Fred what my Boggart was and he didn't ask. Instead, we just walked out the door, his hand in mine.


	8. Losing Control

I sat in the Order meeting and listened intently to Dumbledore and the others. In the past two or three days, the Order meetings had become more and more serious. Voldemort was getting stronger, and we needed to guard the prophecy. There were a few people missing today. Tonks, Mad-eye and Kingsley were on their way to fetch Harry and Meredith. I was excited to have some new faces around the house. Even though, they would be angry ones.  
I could here the faint sound of a door opening and shutting. Mrs Weasley seemed to hear it too because she rose out of her seat and went to open the door to greet them. I followed her out the door and quickly closed it behind me, just as Harry and Meredith got a glimpse of the Order and Sirius.  
They both looked puzzled and angry at the same time, Harry more than Meredith. I told Mrs Weasley I would take them to their rooms and she could go and finish the meeting. I gave Harry a big hug and ruffled his hair, which didn't change its messiness one bit. I walked up to Meredith and stopped right in front of her. We were very close. But we had one of those relationships where we didn't hug each other, except on very special occasions. So we just looked at each other for a few seconds and acted like she had been here for the past week too. I told Harry where his room was and Meredith followed me up to ours.  
"How is Harry doing?" I asked. She had a worried look on her face, and she was biting her nails.  
"Not too good," she said softly, "That Dementor attack really shook him, he is really angry all the time." She was quiet for a few moments.  
"What is this place?" She asked, examining the room. I thought she would be raging. But instead she was pretty calm, which worried me even more. Her fire red hair was tied in a sleek pony which fell on her shoulders.  
"Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix," I said proudly and indicated which bed was mine. She looked even more puzzled, "You know, the people who united and are ready to stop the darkest wizard of all time!" I spoke like the commentator of a superhero movie. She smiled and placed her trunk on the floor. "Are you going to help us fight?" I questioned "Are you going to be in the Order?" I said more seriously and started tapping my fingers on my knee because it was uncomfortable to be serious around Meredith.  
She looked at me seriously but soon she broke into a smile "Now, how could I let you fight Voldemort all by yourself when we really now you wouldn't last a day without me?" I pushed her shoulder hard and we walked down stairs, to hear a lot of screaming coming out of Harry and Ron's room. We tried to listen in, but Fred and George interrupted by apparating into their room.  
"Come on," I said to Meredith and tugged her shoulder, we needed to tell everyone she would be in the Order. She rolled her hazel eyes but followed me down the stairs anyway. We entered the room, just as a feud between Snape and Sirius was about to start. They got distracted by us entering and the argument quickly subsided. "So," I said firmly "Meredith would very much like to be apart of the Order," She stood behind me with a hopeful look on her face. Mostly everyone allowed but I did see a few sour faces in the crowd.  
We took our seats and let Sirius continue. He just talked about how he thought Harry should know about the prophecy. Meredith agreed and in some ways I did too. But in the end we agreed to let Harry in on a few secrets of the Order, but only a few as Mrs Weasley had a death look on her round face.  
The meeting finished and people clambered into the dining room one by one. Sirius greeted Harry with a big hug, which wasn't given to Meredith. She didn't seem to notice, but I felt as her best friend to take note of these things.  
Meredith sat in between me and Fred. She turned to me and took a sip of her drink, "So, what's going on between you and Sirius?" I was startled and it was plain on my face "You had an angry look on your face the whole time he was speaking!" My face went pink as I looked to the ground and pretended I didn't hear her. I hated that she was so observant.  
"That's been going on for a while now," Fred whispered turning to us. It turned out he was observant too. "They've been having arguments the whole week," I new my face was scarlet now. I breathed in deeply, flashed them a convincing smile and said as confident as I could that there was nothing going on between us. They dropped the subject and dinner continued.  
Fred looked at Crookshanks angrily while he licked his lips satisfactorily. The room was silent. Everyone was trying to hear what Sirius and Lupin were saying to Harry. Mr Weasley told Harry that his hearing was in front of the Wizengamot. Harry looked confused, "What did I do to the Ministry of Magic?" He asked as if being accused of murder. Everyone was silent once more.  
"Show him," Mad-Eye growled from the corner of the room. They passed the Daily Prophet along the table until it reached Harry. The headline read: 'The Boy Who Lies?' Harry's face went white and he was on the edge of his seat. Meredith's eyes were wide and she started biting her nails once more.  
"Fudge is out of his mind," Sirius said, answering Harry's unasked questions. "He doesn't want to believe Voldemort is back. He is scared." Sirius finished. He was right. Fear can make people do terrible things. I remembered Lupin saying hat to me once and he said it again to Harry in that moment. There was silence again. "We fear Voldemort wants to build up an army again," Sirius said softly "We believe he might be after something..." Mad-eye said something, but no one heard it. Harry was about to fall off his chair, he was listening so intently to Sirius. "Something he didn't have last time."  
"Enough!" Mrs Weasley shouted. She grabbed the newspaper form Sirius' hand and threw it to the ground. "He's only a child! You might as well conduct him into the Order!" She said sarcastically throwing her hands in the air.  
"I want to join!" Harry said enthusiastically, "If Voldemort's got an army, I want to fight!" Sirius fell back into his chair and waved his arm through the air. He winked at Harry and smiled. Harry smiled back. They were being stupid. Sirius looked at Harry and it looked like he was seeing James. Not his Godson.  
Everyone left the table after that. I caught up with Sirius after dinner. I wanted to make amends with him. Harry having to go to a hearing made my problems seem small. He was standing in the drawing room. "Look," I sad, turning to him "I'm sorry." I was expecting him to be angry. But I think because Harry was here he seemed in a better mood. He smiled at me.  
"Harry really is becoming the spitting image of James, huh?" I got slightly annoyed. Harry was his own person. And it didn't seem like Sirius new that. I new I shouldn't have said anything. But I couldn't just stand here and let him treat Harry as something he wasn't.  
"Not really," I said slowly, "Harry is Harry. Not James, or anyone else." I said it as clearly as possible without being rude. Sirius frowned, he seemed angry. I could understand this. I always felt angry when I talked to him, I didn't know why.  
"I know," He said loudly, he took a small step towards me.  
"You obviously don't!" I shouted. Why was I getting so angry? Why did he _make_ me so angry? "You act though he's your best friend, but he is just a kid!" I stood up for Harry like I would for Hermione. He was my family. The room was filled with tension. I started pacing up and down the floor. Sirius didn't say anything so I kept on talking "You are so aggravating! Why can't you just-" I stopped when Sirius raced towards me. He pushed his lips against mine. He smelt faintly of stale drinks and his coat had dust on it. He cupped my cheek into his hand and pulled me closer to him.  
I pushed him off me fiercely and slapped him hard through the jaw. I was bewildered! He couldn't kiss me. "Why would you do that?" I screamed. He seemed just as confused as I was. His grey eyes followed my every move. I gave him a disgusted look and escaped from the room. Leaving the kiss behind me.


End file.
